


A Modern Muggleborn in Hogwarts

by tailysnaily



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: GASP, Heeleys, Modern Muggleborns, bad dancing, bad music, if snape can glide so can the students AM I RIGHT KIDS, in the hogwarts hallways, its really awful but thats ok, muggle references, muggleborn headcanons, sir mix-a-lot, the thing everyone on tumblr is obsessed with rn, yaa know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:52:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2101578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tailysnaily/pseuds/tailysnaily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee Jordan has to spice up the Yule Ball, just to make it more enjoyable for the muggleborns and halfbloods in the room. And what better way to do that than with some good, muggle, music? /// where I'm gonna dump all my muggleborn headcanon oneshots. warning: its the 90s. that's your warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yule Ball JAMS

“Why are you doing this again, Lee?”   
“We’re still a bit confused, mate.” 

Lee sighed and looked back at Fred and George. They were his best friends, and he loved them, he really did, but they were magically born and raised. They just didn’t understand. 

“I’ve explained it a million times. My mum was a muggle. I was brought up halfway in the muggle world. And at a party like this? Some songs are just essential,” he grinned at them, happy that he was about to make the night a lot better for the halfbloods and muggleborns in the room, “And that is why I’m doing this.” 

His friends shrugged, grinned, and went along with him. They were just happy to be causing trouble, even if they didn’t understand the trouble. Lee continued watching the Weird Sisters perform, waiting for the end of the song. The lead singer of the band, a muggleborn, knew all about his plan and thought it was a great idea (he wasn’t sure how the twins managed to sneak him into the rooms the band was staying in, but he wasn’t gonna ask questions). The Yule Ball was going great already, but Lee knew his plan would make the night even more memorable. 

The song finished up, and with a wink at Lee, the band backed away from the front of the stage. Quickly, before McGonagall or anyone else could stop him, Lee hopped on stage and smiled brightly at the crowd of confused students. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, are we having a good time tonight?!” Lee shouted, taking the ensuing cheers as a yes. Nodding, he pulled his wand from his dress robes and addressed his classmates again. 

“Now, for the purebloods and some halfbloods in the room, you guys have had an awesome night dancing to your favorite band. For the muggleborns and some other halfbloods, you guys have had fun, but you’re missing how you’re used to having fun. So I took it upon myself to dedicate some of tonight’s music to the muggle-raised in the room. To the party animals of Hogwarts, here is your party music!” 

With a flourish, Lee spun around and waved a spell at the ancient-looking music player next to the stage, already prepared to play exactly what he wanted. A second later, upbeat music filled the room and made the people who knew what is was shriek and laugh, before maneuvering themselves into lines. The other, confused wizards and witches watched, bewildered from the sidelines, as their friends and dates shouted in unison, “AYE MACARENA!”

Lee jumped off stage and joined the dancing students, moving his arms and hips in the strange motions that everyone seemed to know. He ended up next to a no longer sulking Harry Potter, and a beaming Hermione Granger. The dancing and laughing continued until some brave students infiltrated the lines and asked to be taught. Delighted, Jordan showed Fred and George. Around him, Harry taught Ron and the Patil twins, Hermione taught Viktor Krum and his friends, Alicia Spinnet taught Angelina Johnson and some Beauxbatons students, Dean Thomas taught Neville Longbottom and Ginny Weasley, and countless others were learning the dance. 

And this is how the night continued, with some people gettin’ jiggy with old, familiar songs, and others learning how to dance to this new, different music. At the end of the night, kids kept clapping Lee on the back and thanking him for brining good tunes, or asking him how he managed it. Lee even caught Seamus Finnigan and Neville MC Hammering on their way back to the common room. 

The best part, though, was that he didn’t get in any trouble. None of his teachers said a word to him. When Fred and George asked later how that was possible, Lee just smiled, and kept to himself how he saw Dumbledore mouthing the words to “Baby Got Back”.


	2. Heeleys in Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by emilyswayout's post on tumblr. some hogwarts rascals are kickin back and rollin with their heeleys. hogwarts better watch out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS IS PROBABLY CRACK

    Parvati really had no clue what was going on when Terry Boot practically flew past her in the corridor outside Transfiguration. He wasn’t _flying_ though – his feet were on the ground. Terry was almost... gliding? Confused, she turned to her sister, who looked annoyed beyond all belief.

    “What’s all that about?” she asked, “What spell did he put on his shoes?” Shaking her head, Padma huffed an irritated breath and ground out, “He’s been doing it all day, and ‘to get to his classes more quickly’ he says. Rubbish. There was some ridiculous name he called them – a Muggle thing, I’m sure,” she thought hard for a moment, “Footsies? No. Oh, I don’t know. Something strange. But its not a spell, he’s wearing some special Muggle trainers.”

    Hermione Granger, who’d been walking in front of them, turned around and grinned at them, “They’re called Heeleys! There are little wheels in the heels and you can kick off and roll. They’re a bit of a hazard, but also quite fun!”

    Parvati thought that was rather ingenious, and Padma’s exasperated face only made her giggle.

    “He’s going to get in trouble. Or he’s going to trip over his own robes. Or trip over someone else’s robes. Or bowl into Professor Snape!” Padma predicted.

    But Hermione only shared a grin with Parvati and said, “Yes, probably. But if any of those things happen, we can all laugh at him as he carefully clomps to detention on unstable trainers.”

    Padma shook her head again, and would have probably complained more about the stupidity of wheeled shoes, but was interrupted by Harry Potter, who had stopped next to them in the hallway. He was cleaning his glasses and squinting down the hallway he had just come from, before turning to them with a confused grin, “Was that Terry Boot and Dean Thomas I just saw racing down the corridor in Heeleys?” he asked, delightedly baffled, as if the fact that two idiot boys were racing their Muggle wheeled shoes where Professor McGonagall could catch them at any time was just too good to be true.

    Well that’s probably what her sister was thinking as she stormed away (with a parting, “UGHGHHGH! IT’S SPREADING!”), but Hermione let Parvati know the truth – Harry was trying not to get his hopes up. It was the middle of term, of course, therefore those boys hadn’t brought those lovely shoes from home, therefore there was probably some way of obtaining those shoes in Hogwarts, therefore it was probably very shady and against the rules, therefore it could probably get them in loads of trouble, therefore _Harry wanted a pair immediately._

    Beaming at Hermione, Harry said, “Exactly! Didn’t know you’d taken up mind reading, Hermione. Divination too basic for you? But, yes! Actually, I would have pulled them aside and asked where they’d gotten them from, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one who could see them.”

    Her brow furrowed, Parvati asked Harry why on Earth no one else would have seen them. He grinned sheepishly, and with reddening cheeks answered, “Well one time I was the only one who heard this giant snake in the walls threatening people, and that was a disaster. Didn’t want a repeat, yeah?”

    Laughing behind her hands, Parvati ignored Hermione, who was quietly praying for patience, and wondered out loud, “Well Harry, you don’t think you might be able to find me a pair as well, could you? I’m quite intrigued.”

    Waving away an alarmed-looking Hermione, Harry assured her he would try. With that, she left the two friends, and made her way back to the common room, daydreaming all the while of herself and that fit Dean Thomas Heeleying away into the sunset together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is silly trash. self-indulgent garbage. idk what im doing, this was so much fun, but everyone is ooc and its 4am and im a little ooc too!!! 
> 
> sobs incoherently ~ i just want the muggleborn headcanons to live
> 
> lots of hugs and kisses and well-meant wishes - tayl
> 
> hey btw check me out on tumblr expelliar-moose is my name blogging dumb things is my game *double cheek noise that usually goes with me firing my finger guns*


	3. Malfoy, Meet Mercury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione, Harry, Seamus, Dean, and some other Muggleborns/halfbloods scare the bejeezus out of Malfoy with a classic song.

   Ron had no idea what happened. He had been talking to Seamus and Dean as they walked across the green about the Cannons game, when he spotted a crowd of students by the lake. Poor Seamus, short thing that he was, couldn’t see over the heads like his sasquatch friends Dean and Ron could, but he put the pieces together fairly quickly. Dean had muttered, “Damn, looks like Malfoy is causing trouble,” and Ron had cursed, “Merlin’s beard, it’s Harry and Hermione.” That was the only prompting the boys needed to push their way through the throng of students to where Draco and his goons faced off with Ron’s best friends.

   Before Ron could get a word out, Hermione had scoffed at Draco and yanked on Harry’s arm, saying, “Let’s go Harry, come on, this is so beneath us.” Draco, who had been sneering at Harry, turned his glare to Hermione and spat at her, “That’s rich coming from you, mudblood.” The crowd went deathly silent, and the only sounds Ron could hear were the angry swishes of his and Harry’s robes as they whipped their wands out. Malfoy and his minions had their wands out a second later, and Ron was absolutely itching to hex them off their feet, but Hermione interrupted again and the look on her face was so excited that he didn’t even attempt to stop her.

   She inserted herself between the two sets of boys, almost daring the Slytherins to hit her while she was unarmed. Hermione took a deep breath and glanced around at the students surrounding them. Whatever she saw there seemed to satisfy her, and so she squared her shoulders and stared confidently at Malfoy. Ron thought that perhaps she was going to punch him again when she started to raise her arm, but instead she brought her hand to her mouth and licked her palm very slowly and deliberately.

   Ron was baffled, frankly, and had just opened his mouth to tell Harry that she’d finally lost it when – SMACK! Hermione had slapped that hand across Malfoy’s cheek, and Ron was almost proud enough to forget that she had licked her own hand. Before anyone could respond in any sort of way, Hermione started to speak in a strange sort of chant voice, “You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, somebody better put you back in your place.”

   Personally, Ron didn’t think this was the time for her to be practicing her poetry skills, but Harry, Dean, Seamus, and quite a few members of the crowd went wild for it, laughing and whooping. Confused as all hell, Ron and the other purebloods watched in bewilderment as the group of excited classmates began stomping their feet and clapping their hands all together. _Stomp, stomp, clap. Stomp, stomp, clap._

   Hermione spun around, obviously delighted at the response, and joined them. Following the lead of Harry and Seamus, the others began slowly closing in on Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, still stomping and clapping, but now also lowly chanting, “We will, we will, ROCK YOU!”

   If Ron had not been so thoroughly confused that all he could think of was one giant red question mark, he would have pissed himself laughing at the sheer terror on Malfoy’s face. “Draco, come on, let’s go, let’s go!” Goyle yelled as he and Crabbe pulled Malfoy back, scrambling away from their classmates. Ron and the other silent students stared around at each other in blank shock amidst the uproar.

   “Granger that was brilliant!”

   “Lord above, did you see Malfoy’s face?!”

   “Hermione, have I ever told you? You’re my _Queen._ ”

   Eventually the crowd dispersed, still-laughing kids being led away by their puzzled pureblood friends.

   “Oh, Ron,” Hermione said, “I just don’t think I can explain it to you,” her face torn between joy and pity.

   “Yeah, sorry mate,” Harry continued, chuckling and leaning on Dean for support, “you grew up in the wizarding world, it’s a Muggle thing.”

    Throwing in his two cents, Seamus added, “Blimey though, I do feel bad for ya. Sometimes I really love bein’ halfblood!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I took some liberties with this one. I have no clue what Lee Jordan’s parentage is, but whatevs yo. I also have no clue if the Macarena was immediately popular the year it came out. I don’t know if Dumbledore is a Sir Mix-a-lot fan, either. But you know what I do know? THIS IS WAS WAY FUN, AND I’M GOING TO BE WRITING MORE MODERN MUGGLEBORN ONESHOTS FO SHO. Have any muggleborn headcanons you wanna see written out? Send em this way. Can’t promise they’ll be good (this one certainly wasn’t LMAO) or that I’ll write em, but I’ll try while I’m having fun with this.   
> come say hi to me on tumblr, my url is expelliar-moose, because im a loser. 
> 
> also posted on ff.net!!!


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